Road To Confusion In A World Where Aubergine Is The New Black

Pardon me for being such a face-ache, but I'm on the road. I'm sitting in a Japanese restaurant writing this. Paper lanterns, origami storks and the polite shuffling of kimonos against synthetic upholstery surround me. My gums are bleeding from the musical dross oozing out like brake oil through the sound system and staining my aural floor. The CD is called Giancarlo's Greatest Hits. You'd think they'd put on some haunting Japanese flute or something more Zen, like The Sound of One Mouth Eating. Forget it!